I Want Out

I am so tired of all these shit...

These days i realised i have been blogging about fucking people surrounding me. Today i shall write about...........The LoSer.... & that's Me.......

Sometimes I think to myself, who am I? What am I? Sometimes i feel like a dog , being led around by my LJ bosses and stupid fucking customers. Sometimes i am given the "leader" tag from my bandmates, Darkad, and am expected to arrange jam sessions that everyone seems not to turn up on time. I have enough people, you all should just shut your filthy mouths and listen to me once . I hope people don't take me for granted anymore,I guess many CB people see me good to "eat", WTF. they should know that if they force me up the wall, i will become a grenade and explode right infront of them....I hate it.

Today's MRT ride- Morning ( dreadful start.. )
I was seating in the train in the morning, saying my prayers silently. Everymorning, I will take out my bible and read it, while blasting my IPod as usual. People sometimes give me the look, because my music is damn loud and they must be thinking, WTF? Rock music and Jesus don't come hand in hand..This guy must be satanic...I say Fuck YOU! I don't need you to judge me man, My judge is the one and only Almighty.

I like to blast my music loud because i wanna drown myself outa all the "noises" of this sometimes senseless world. Sometimes i wish i was blind or deaf..because things will be so much simpler...lesser temptations, misery and anger..

Music has been a form of escape for me for a long time. Back in 2003 and 2004, I was pretty stress with my work and life because of many expectations from many people..so I lock myself up in my bedroom at nite most of the time and drown myself by creating electronic/experimental music with my computer. Back then, i don't believe in blogging to let out steam, I rather compose music based on my mood. In the end i finished 20 tracks and call them "Theory_X" music. Not alot people heard them..only a few if i remebered...oh well..its nuthing impressive anyway..It's just my bloodymusic.

Now, back to the train ride, when i reached Bedok MRT, there's a MYY mum that's carrying her kid that has a face that's slightly deformed. CCB, those white collars mutherfuckers saw them liao, all siam to one side as if they are some freaks or dieases..KNn, you think you white collars people are damn high and almighty huh? To me? you LJ people are as ugly as the deformity thats found on the kid. You all sick sons of a motherless goat!! You all can go rot in hell, satan is waiting to rape all your poor hopeless souls, WTH !

Today's MRT ride- Evening ( Dark Visions.. )
I was at dinner wif JPG, her hubby and IceQueen again at KR suntec. RedRain can't make it again because she is too tired to travel all the way from the east. I was basically half dead through out the dinner and my ears can hardly make out what they are trying to talk to me about. I don't know if they find me irritating but I am not being rude, but it just that i was super tired because my whole week has been very fucking hectic.

I was walking into HMV hoping to grab some HELLOWEEN 'S old CDs. CCB, not even a single title they have.KNN, when i wanna contribute to the declining record industry by buying the band's CDs, I can't find it. Fucking hell, now i have no choice but to go the piracy way by Downloading these albums liao..

After that I was in the train back home to see RedRain. CCB, the train is the very very crowded. While i was boarding it, I accidentally brush my elbow against a chio bu's breasts..Knn, it was like a micro second thing, so i didn't bother to say sorry, I just find my own tiny corner in the crowded train and listen to a 13min song "Keeper Of The Seven Keys" in repeat mode on my IPod.

When i closed my eyes while indulging in the ride, suddenly i saw the things that i don't wanna see..dark visions that's been haunting my mind during the period of 1999 to 2005. During those years, whenever i am tired from my studies, my mind will go shortcircuit and i will start to imagine things in my head. All these negative images and thoughts disappear after I went to church in 2005. Today they are back again...Fuck!!!!Today, In my mind, i see on the train:

1. Headless passengers dancing in front of me, holding their heads in their hands.
2. Passengers puking and fainting infront of me.
3. Passengers being blown to pieces by a MYY suicide bomber.

I don't know why these thoughts and imaginations are back, isit the loud Helloween 's music that's twisting my brain? can't be, because, last time i listen to ANdy LAU's music on the train in the old days, I have all these visions and imaginations too..KNN, don't tell me the ANdy LAu's music is bad?ahahaha..no way lar, music can never be Evil, only humans can be Evil....well, let me think... isit because of the tiredness? must be..when the mind is weak/tired, it plays tricks...

Then when i open my eyes, i saw a faggot board the train. This gay is those knn go body building kind..muscles all big big one..knn, this gay man has better looking body then lousy FireBurn man...PCB, like i say earlier...I am THE LOSER and the LOSER is me. WTF!!!!!

"Break my aching bones apart..."

Amen.